Sorry for the lag here. This past month I've been distracted by a host of major changes in the direction of my career but not my life, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I've been trying to process and put everything into perspective while avoiding a needless descent into the navel-gazing wasteland of "what if" and "should have, would have, could have". I suppose the greatest joy and comfort of living by a purpose higher than one's momentary occupation or avocation is that while the outward circumstances of your life may change drastically, your intrinsic purpose and goal still remains the same.
All things work together for good, according to the sovereign will of God. Everything else is need-to-know.
I won't tease or bore you with any more of this Kung Fu-like crypticism (is that a word?), Grasshopper, but just get it off my chest and state that recent events have made the prospect of moving to Oklahoma a real and imminent possibility. There. I said it. I'd been dreaming of building a natural living retreat up there for over three years, and now that the time has finally come to take the leap, I'm hesitant.
I feel like the heroine of a story who's life goal has been to avenger her mother's murder, find the lost treasure, get out of the small town and become a star, become the first woman President, etc. You can fill in the blank. Any great passionate desire, the thing most wished for, when it finally arrives, can be a huge source of stress and anxiety, or even disappointment.
Why? Because we romanticize the process. We ignore the crucial logistics in getting from Point A to Point B. We just focus on the end result, and ignore all the hard work that will be necessary to achieve that goal. In my case, that's completely true. I like my life now. I like my house and my things. All of that will essentially go away for a period of time as we try to scrape together enough financing and rely on the supernatural providence of God to help us build it. But I believe if we build it, they will come. They being the ill, the weary, the ones who want to change their lifestyle, the ones who are called to help others.
Thinking about all the things that must be done to prepare, I'm already exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. There is no way I can accomplish this on my own. Which, I'm guessing, is the point God will continue to make along every step of this process.
I feel like Caleb of Jephunneh at times, asking the Lord to be with me as I conquer the mountain He has promised me. But when I focus only on Him, all the worries, doubts, questions, fear, and even fatigue fade away, and I am once again awed by the awesome power, goodness, and exquisite wisdom of the Lord in all things. There is a time for everything, a time that God has chosen for a reason.
For me, it's go time. I'd better put my running shoes on.